Some truths in real life…
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Men are men
A girl at bus top spotted a handsome man, and without hesitations, she told him:
“I love you.”
That man placed his hand on the girl’s head and said:
“This love and infatuation are all nothing. Now go back to your home and study hard so that you can lead a successful lie.”
The man then placed a piece of paper in her hand:
“I have written some wisdom for you. Read it before you go to sleep.”
The girl went back to her home with tears. Before she goes to sleep, she opens the piece of paper and reads the following:
“Are you blind? My wife is standing right behind me… Anyway, this is my number. You can call me anytime. By the way, I love you too!”
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An old gift
Four years after the breakup, he called her (i.e., ex-girlfriend) again on her birthday:
“Remember that dress I gave you as a gift on your birthday?”
The girls answered in tears:
“Yes.”
The guy said:
“My sister wants it back!”
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A smile
Guy: “Every time you smile, I feel like to invite you to my place.”
Girl: “Aww! That is so sweet. Are you single?”
Guy: “No. I am a Dentist.”
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Natural causes
Girl: “He died of natural causes.”
Cop: “You pushed him off the roof.”
Girl: “Gravity is natural!”
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What do we need?
“Money aside, what do you need right now?”
“Uhh… The money you just put aside.”
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Some math equations
[Swiss] Cheese has holes.
More cheese = more holes.
More holes = less cheese.
More cheese = less cheese?
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Virgin meaning
“If a girl is Virgin, it is her pride…
But if a boy is Virgin, he is a loser!
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Rubbing a lamp
A man found a lamp in the street. He rubbed it, and it blasted… He died.
MORAL: NOT all lamps belong to Aladdin; some belong to Binladen.
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To be on the TOP
A crow sat on a tree doing nothing… When a rabbit thought he could do the same and sat on the ground.
A fox came and ate him.
MORAL: To sit and do nothing, you need to be on the TOP…
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I knew it!
Father: “Son. You were adopted.”
Son: “What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents.”
Father: “We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.”
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A potential DUI
While driving on the freeway, the young son asked:
“Dad. What is a drunk driver?”
Pointing to the cars in front of them, father answered:
“Son. Do you see those 4 cars? A drunk driver will see 8 instead.”
Son:
“But, Dad, there are only two cars in front of us.”
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Just keep moving forward!
“If you can’t fly then run,
If you can’t run then walk,
If you can’t walk then crawl,
But whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward.”
–Martin Luther King, Jr.
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Tea is an evil substance!
Yeah! Tea is much more dangerous than beer.
Please avoid drinking tea.
How do I know? I discovered this fact last night. I had drunk 14 beers up to until 3:00 am at the bar while my wife was drinking tea at home.
You should have seen how angry and violent she was when I got home.
I was peaceful, silent, and headed to bed as she shouted at me all night long; and even into the next morning.
Please, ladies, if you can’t handle tea, just don’t drink it!
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Dad’s complaints
“OMG! Slow Internet gain! It must be either my son is downloading the porn, or my daughter is uploading it.”
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Word correct spelling
“PSYCHO
THE
RAPIST.”
Well, That is not Fantastic!…
“PSYCHOTHERAPIST is one word! One word!! OK!!!”
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You can’t be both?
“I am Ugly or Pretty?
“You’re both.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re Pretty Ugly!”
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Warning for missing people
“We should place the missing people’s faces on the packs of cigarettes. Smokers are the only ones who stand outside in all kinds of weather.”
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An item as seen in a job application
“Have you ever involved in an accident that resulted in your death?”
Answer: Yes or No.
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At a job interview
Interviewer: “Can you give us a reason why we should hire you?”
Job applicant: “That is your job.”
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Equality?
“Here is the thing about equality: Everyone’s equal when they’re dead.”
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True personality?
“You can’t Photoshop your ugly personality.”
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Love and Hate
“Your biggest fan is a stranger.
Your biggest hater is someone you know.”
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What Exam?
“One test that even though you forget to study, but you may still pass it is the prostate exam!”
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Common senses!
“Sitting alone is better than walking with the wrong people.”
“To say is easy; to prove is hard.”
“If you are good at something, never do it for free.”
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Today’s Reality:
“Why people wear expensive watches and always say they do not have time?”
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Compiled and edited by Tran Van Giang
11/22/2019